17:25 | if
you know how this is: nothing is neutral. body movements send raw messages which formal oral language are able to neutralize. the first move is crucial, but the reaction and the subsequent actions are important as well.
-silence-
if i kiss you, will you kiss me back? if i hold your hand, will you promise me not to let go? beneath the moon and the fading skies, it's not our skin that wrinkles with age that matters, but the fire in our eyes that never fades.
-silence-
my whole being is screaming "no regrets: just do it!" but, because i love you, i can't. you know how this is. you know how i am. i don't want to lose you.
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8 Comment(s)
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07:52 | veinte
--pesos
pumapasok ako sa iskul na bente lang ang laman ng bulsa. kung natisod ako at nawala ang bente, maglalakad ako pauwi. kung minsan hindi ako nakakakain bago umalis ng bahay kaya ipinambibili ko ng hot monay with cheese ang sampu, at, dahil walang magawa, naglalakad na lang ako pauwi.
hindi ako bumibili ng libro na ginagamit sa klase. tumatambay ako sa library para basahin mula sa aklat mismo ang mga takdang basahin para hindi ko na kailangan magbayad ng pangpaseroks. hindi ko pa nasubukang bumili ng cheese corn na ako lang. pati na ng isaw o fishball.
dumating nga sa punto na bente na lang talaga ang laman ng pitaka ko. kauubos lang ng gasul. linggo noon at walang bangkong maaaring mapagpadalahan ng pera mula sa probinsiya. malas. malas talaga.
limang taon na ang lumipas.
--meses
for a vagabond who knew not what love was to meet another vagabond who knows not what happiness is must really be a relationship that spells heartache and tears in bold all caps letters. but it was two years ago since you and i met. and it will be twenty months on saturday since that "you and i" became "us."
enough said. i will be waiting for you.
--años
i had fun shopping with my younger brother last night. we almost crashed our trolley on one of the shelves as we were running up and down the aisles like crazy monkey kids looking for washed brown sugar.
i admit i was a bit hesitant to purchase the king crabs when i realized that it weighed more than two kilograms. but heck! we had a great time eating it last night. there are still some leftovers in the fridge.
on march, my brother will be celebrating his twentieth birthday. i hope there will be booze--and crabs.
hurray for youth!
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07:57 | never never land
that is how one of my marxist professors describes mainstream (read: quantitative) economics. i beg to disagree. i think of marxist conflict theory as better apt for sociology than for economics. i have many questions, not just about who gets what and why, which marxist "economic" theory was not able to answer satisfactorily.
well, to each his own. but if push comes to shove, i will not be able to finish my thesis on time. if my thesis adviser proposes to scrap the quantitative crap in my study then i'll be doomed. my thesis cannot stand any test of rigor or robustness without the statistical tests i applied--non parametric at that! if he crossed-out a simple graph from another study, then my regression line will not stand a fighting chance to see the light of reproduction.
i believe for us to be taken seriously, as an academic pursuit and as a practice, we must not be confined by our ideological bias, else we estrange people who do not share ours--unless we to wallow in our own never never land.
serve the people!
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10:12 | about mikelcleus
ako ay isang maangas na bata. hindi dahil pinili kong maging maangas, o pinilit akong maging maangas. pero dahil tayo ay nabubuhay sa isang maangas na mundo, at ng mga maaangas na tao. at kailangan maging maangas din. angasan na ito!
from Salipawpaw (2005)
i was introduced to blogging in january of 2005 by palanca-winner sir mykel andrada. i was taking humanidades 1 then and all course-works and outputs were posted on our class blog, which sir mykel put up. incidentally, i have one short story that is still posted on that site [plus you can read some of his students' sexual autobiographies there]. the rest, as the cliche goes, is his--my--story.
my first blog was titled salipawpaw. being a newbie in the blog world [i still am], the site was a wreck. the template needed tweaking. the entries were bordering on being stupid. simply put, the blog did not generate any traffic. after some time, i lost interest in blogging and had forgotten all about salipawpaw.
i was in second year college then. young, stupid, and fresh from the province, i was at the peek of my soul-searching in a university that is best known for challenging rules. then came a point in february-march 2005 when i was lost in my own fantasies. i ran unopposed for a position in the college student council. i was seventeen and a marxist. i was invited to join a fraternity. life is opening up its many doors to me.
i don't know if it was hormones or psychological instability, but i left. i was disillusioned. i left everything and decided to transfer to a new campus. i was lost and needed guidance.
that was when i was introduced to globe's g-blogs, and started blogging again. i called my blog der ubermensch amikus, and it became a repository of all my existential angst. the blog did ran for one year, but, because of poor costumer service, i decided to leave g-blogs and switch to a new provider--blogger.
i had two blogs in blogger in early 2006. the first is this blog, mikelcleus, my primary blog, and another called test-site, which i use to experiment on css and html. in 2007, blogger was bought by google. experimenting on css and html on the new google-blogger blog was, for me, harder [besides that, i guess, everything became better when google bought blogger]. it was really lucky that i have two accounts from the old blogger.
now, what is mikelcleus about? as its maker and author, i don't know. i know nothing. like my past blogs, i guess this blog will be a repository of snippets of me in time. many times i had deconstructed this blog, to be reconstructed again to something new which better represents who i am [or who i want to be] in a particular point in time.
come, travel with me as i try to unravel what this called life is all about.