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22:19 | mundsemo
this is a repost: i was browsing through my past entries in my former blog, and i found the following article. i can't remember what i was thinking while writing this piece, but there is a high possibility that what i feel then and now is the same. enjoy the dark side! (i miss being an emo/artist/poser.)
Gigising ako sa umaga, maghihilamos, magsisipilyo tsaka babalik sa higaan. Uupo sa kama. Titingin sa pader. Sa orasan. Alas siyete. Tutunganga. Alas nuwebe. Tatayo, lalabas sa kuwarto. Bubuksan ang radio [si Bamboo (kalbo!): Pinoy Ako! Buo aking loob (Fuck!)] Titingin sa pader. Blangko. Ngingiti. May marka ng kung anong demonyong nakadikit sa isang sulok ng off-white na pader. Potang ina at ama! Lalabas sa may tarangkahan. Titingin sa sapa (kanal) na dumadaloy sa tabi ng aming bahay (third floor kami). Tsokolate. Madumi. Papasok ako dahil sa sangsang ng burak. Kikilabutan. Matatakot. Amoy patay na puta. Uupo sa sofa. Tutunganga. Alas tres na pala. Gutom. E di kumain. Kumain ng basura. Patay na hayop at nalalantang damo na sinabawan ng pawis at pighati. Alas kuwatro. Bubuksan ang telebisyon. [Stampede sa Ultra] Ang saya naman! Iyak. Mura. Sisi. Tawa. Pera. Wala na pala akong pera. Pota. Wala na ring mantika. At toyo. O suka. Nasusuka ako. Ang gulo ng putang amang-- [anak at ng espiritu santong] mundo. Alas siyete (Shet!). [Dumidilim na naman ang metro] Isa-isang nagsisindihan ang mga neon lights (natatanaw ko ang sa Jollibee sa highway). Gutom na naman pala ako. (Pota.) Tae na lang ang meron. Panis na tae. Ang sarap ng tae. [Hindi pa rin tapos ang sirko sa Ultra] Nahiga ako sa sahig. Malamig. Nanunuot sa balat. Nakadilat ang aking mga mata. Nakatingin sa pader, sa telebisyon (at sa mga taong bumubula na ang mga bibig sa kasasalita). Hindi ko namalayan nakatulog na pala ako. [Pero bakit ko nakikita ang aking sarili na nakahiga sa sahig na pula?] Ok lang. Magigising din yan.___
01:05 | countdown
this must be because of the full-bodied barako i drank after dinner. or may be because my conscience won't let me be. either way, i cannot sleep. [attention: there is no social relevance in this ranting.]
it has been raining here and there for the past few days, a good excuse not to go out of the house. still, i am not a bit bored (or maybe i am) with my daily schedule, which includes mostly sleeping, sleeping and sleeping like college had deprived me of sleep (when in fact i got plenty of it compared to some people i know). lately, it is starting to dawn on me that i have already finished college (with all the rights, priveleges and responsibilities that goes with it). and that sooner or later my father (and his father) will again ask me where is studying laws in my grand scheme of things. and that sooner or later, if i want to evade them, i have to compete with a few hundred thousand newly graduates for jobs in the labor market. and to do so effectively, i need to have a good set of teeth (out of vanity, really). how sad can life be?
i need to pull my acts together. i still have a week to go before i have to face the music: (1) that i am a bum MCL, (2) that i am broke and in need of parental help, (3) and that i have periodontal problem around my two second molars notwithstanding my gumline is receding because of obsessive-compulsive brushing. darn.
at times like this, i can't help thinking of how greener the grass were when i was younger.
19:44 | coffee hiatus of a hundred words
as usual, we ended the day with a trip to a coffee shop for a shot of cheap caffeine and sugar. while i want my coffee sweet and creamy, you always like yours bitterly strong . of course we had your strawberry bavarian and my honey glazed doughnut with us.
we talked of the inevitable, of your leaving for your post graduate, and of me returning to my own self. and i'm happy that you would be leaving. there you will be able to start anew. without pretensions as my doughnut. without bitterness unlike your coffee.
