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15:58 | sin
because the world says we are outlaws, we are. and the jury of learned bigots will have easy time convicting us. because maybe we really are guilty, if denying social constructions credence is crime. but we beg to differ. we refuse to accept sanctioned what-is-es and what-is-not-s. of course not on whim, and definitely not because of passion. but rather because we understand that what you and me have is not different from what others have. because we recognize that a rose by any other name smells as sweet. and is as beautiful.
the first question i asked still remains, though. are you on drugs? because i were. i am. this elixir has transformed me to who i am from who i was and what i used to be.
yes, i am guilty. we both are guilty. but not of worldliness. but of living ahead of our time.
for dreams. for youth. i concede: we both die at forty.
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10:52 | high school madness
this is just a rant of a former student about his former school. read at your own risk.
after seven years of education under spc-nuns, i decided that i couldn't take four more years of having to recite the rosary every day, of wearing the same white polo, black pants and black shoes day in and day out, and of putting up with the righteousness of the nuns and priests. so i took an entrance exam for a public high school, topped it, and studied there for four years.
as a public high school, it didn't have the same amenities my former school had. books were scarce as chairs were. we in my class were lucky because we can afford to buy pilfered public school books in recto. notwithstanding shortages in physical resources, the school boasts of its a-level students sourced from all over the province. competition was fierce, yet people were friendly. overall, i had a great time in that school.
now, picture me six long years after finally deciding to get my high school diploma--not because it has any worth in its self, but because i would need it for future documentation purposes.
as early as 8:00 am monday i was already at the school waiting for the records office to open. it is summer vacation, thus it is understandable that school offices may open late than usual. by 8:30 a records clerk came and openned the office. i went in and cordially greeted her a good morning. i told her want i want. she said she is not the person in charge of diplomas and that i had to wait for a mr. c. i thanked her for the information and said that i would return after a few minutes.
to pass time while waiting for mr. c, i toured the school and met some of my former teachers. i saw two ms. a's, who were my filipino teachers in years 2 and 4, respectively. i also chatted with ms. t, who was my english 4 teacher.
before 9:00 am, mr. c came. i waited a little for him to organize his station before approaching him and telling him what i wanted. he said that i wait. so i waited. by 9:30, a woman went in also requesting her diploma, to which mr. c replied for her to sit and wait as he is addressing another woman's [more urgent] concerns.
finally before 10:00, mr. c called my attention. he flipped through his records looking for my diploma, at the same time retorting that i should be serviced immediately because i was purportedly maliciously eyeing him ("masama ang tingin"). of course this is not true. i was merely looking at him, waiting for him, but not in any way eyeing him maliciously. before giving me my diploma, he asked for Php20 for "admin fee". he didn't give me any receipt for that transaction.
because i need several copies of my diploma, i asked him what to do. he instructed me to photocopy the original and return to him. and so did: i made 10 copies of the original and went back to him. when i was giving him the 10 copies, he only took 1 (to my horror!), and typed (not stamped!) "certified true xerox" with the principal as the signatory. i pleaded with him that i need several "certified" copies of the original. he just scoffed at me and said that i photocopy the "certified true xerox" copy.
not wanting to rest my case, i went to see the principal and pleaded with her. the principal invoked this and that issuance from the Department of Education and that she might be in trouble had she not follow the so-so issuance. in short, mr. c won. before i left her office, the principal assured me, after a tedious questioning, that i could request another certified copy of my diploma if the need should arise.
i hope there would be no need for me to return else i have to face mr. c again. i cannot understand why i can't make several certified copies of my own diploma. the Php20 "admin fee" is surely not sanctioned by any government body. mr. c's attitude definitely needs some working out. is the photocopy of the "certified true xerox" copy also a certified true copy of the original?
i need guidance.
17:26 | Cut 8
you remind me of ruth mabanglo's nude: bare--and disarming. i can almost taste you, smell you; i can almost feel your warm breath, your soft lips, succulent even. your eyes are like north star shining.
i saw the universe through your eyes, and my soul cried of happiness seeing you nude with all your clothes on. it feels like cold rain, really, washing through every contour of the warm body. simple. and beautiful.
you are beautiful when nude. no pretenses. no words. no anything. nothing. only you. and the world. and i, your vassal.
let me touch you with my silence. let me kiss you with my breath.
i died when i saw you nude. only to be resurrected as your angel.